What is Trust?
Trust is an ongoing topic of concern. It becomes significant for those who are spiritually bankrupt and broken, seeking recovery within or outside of treatment. What is trust? How do we see it, and who wants more of it than anyone else? The alcoholic complains about not having it, not deserving it, and not giving it, but wants it more than anyone. The alcoholic plays the victim and is a master of using the trust of others to his advantage by manipulating parents or loved ones to keep the game going for as long as he can for egoistic gain, power, and control.
Trust is the belief that someone or something is reliable, good, and honest. Relationships are founded on mutual trust. Trust is tied to behaviors and actions. It contains elements of selflessness, compromise, and great discipline. If you say you trust someone, do you listen to that person? Do you follow his advice or direction? How do we earn trust? What does trust have to do with a person’s character?
Trust is to place confidence, to depend upon without fear or misgiving, and to believe in another person. Relationships are damaged through addiction because of the constant breaking of trust. Rebuilding trust is a lengthy process. It takes a year or two to gain some level of trust back. Within some families, it can take a lifetime.
The spiritual foundation of both parties is essential to the healing process. Please don’t be mistaken and think the process is one-sided, or that the only one who must take action is the person who hurt you the most. You have to allow the healing process to happen. I have seen parents continue to shame their sons. We must remember that the person is in recovery and that emotionally beating him down and refusing to forgive him, no matter how well he is doing, is detrimental. Trust is a mutual relationship; it cannot be one sided.
Over the course of time, I have seen parents observe changes in their child’s behavioral patterns. For example, he actually shows up on time for a dinner appointment or family gathering. He doesn’t ask for money anymore. He might ask to do something for you, which you consider to be very strange. Then, one day, you notice something different and are terrified to hear yourself acknowledge it out loud. You have lived in fear for so long, letting your guard down now can only be foolish. So you move with great caution, slowly allowing yourself to be emotionally open and trusting again. Your faith is renewed and light peers through the darkness. All of this comes about by giving time, allowing the process to take place, having faith, and trusting in that process. Buckle up for the greatest ride of your life.